Keep Calm and Mawrter On
I don't really get how lesbian sex works and I don't want to watch porn to watch out. Can you explain how it works? Include illustrations please

Well, you see, it’s like, what it is is, it’s just…

Phew. Anyway, this is a very common question. Usually I’d say that lesbian sex is two women in flannel gazing lovingly into one another’s eyes. Or two women petting the same cat simultaneously. But I jest. Read the Autostraddle article. Don’t watch porn to figure it out because it is catered to the straight male audience (#malegaze) and therefore is highly problematic: but that’s a whole different story. Anyway, I hope that the article answers your questions! 

To the anon froshling: Go to Fall Frolic. Join all the clubs that sound cool. You'll make a lot of friends that way. Don't be afraid of the upperclasswomen. They love frosh and want to make friends with you.

Sound advice! Clubs are the best!

New Frosh here! I'm having a bit of a tricky time finding people here (yeah it's only been a few days) but I already see people clicking so I'm getting slightly nervous for next weekend...I don't want to be the girl that doesn't have any plans. I know the whole get involved thing but any other tips?

Hello, Froshling! First of all, know that you are not the only one with these worries…in fact, that’s why people are grouping together so quickly: nobody wants to feel alone. And here’s the thing, you are not alone and you have plenty of time to make friends. Now, in terms of this weekend, Friday night is Parade Night, so you will definitely have some fun with that! Traditions are the best! (at least in my opinion). And Parade Night the perfect occasion to bond with your fellow 2016-ers because you’ll all be running together. We’re all in this togetherrrrr! (#Zefron,swoon).

And in terms of ”finding people,” you’ll meet people in your classes with whom you click intellectually and you’ll want to get to know them better. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there with these people! Ask them to grab coffee or ice-cream and lunch in Haffner. Chances are, they’ll want to get to know you, too. Classes are a great place to make friends. Plus, it’s always nice to have a study buddy.

Hi! I am currently a Junior in high school and BMC is my top choice. I love the intimate size and liberal atmosphere. also, as an LGBTQ, I heard BMC is very accepting. do you have any tips on applying or getting in?

Aside from meeting the academic requirements, there are a couple of things you can do:

1) Come to campus for an interview and tour
2) Come back for an overnight
3) Come to a Prospective Students’ Weekend
4) Apply Early Decision if it really is your numero uno 

Do you spot the trend? Show your interest in Bryn Mawr. Yes, applying is a way to let admissions know that you want to attend BMC, but you can do more. Displaying a strong desire to be a Mawrter can be very important because it lets the school know that if they accept you, you are likely to reciprocate and accept Bryn Mawr. Good luck! 

Why do I have such a hard time making female friends who aren't Mawrtyrs? I get along great with guys, but any time I try and talk to my female peers it's like I'm speaking a different language. Are all us Mawrtyrs really aliens?

Mawrters often do speak a (kind of) different language. I mean, not everyone in the world likes to converse about the gender politics within the business world or the troubles of heteronormative/non-diverse advertising in print media…but it seems that Mawrters sure do like to have those conversations. And if you find yourself to be one of those people who likes to express their opinions on the misogyny of thirteenth-century France then you should should talk about it, dammit! (And you should also talk to me about it because I’m a total nerd and  love that topic (#thesis)). 

Here’s the thing, you need to be yourself, be yourselffff. When making new friends, it’s always a good idea to find common ground (or uncommon grounds (#punz)) to build upon, but that does not mean that you have to stifle who you are. You will find people within and outside of “the bubble” that you click with and can converse easily with, don’t worry. You are not speaking a different language. And you are not an alien: you’re a Mawrter, which is so much cooler. Be proud! And be yourself. 

I love and care for my girlfriend a great deal, but the ups and downs of our relationship are exhausting. I've tried talking to her about this, but she just ends up in tears and things never really get better. I want to just end the relationship; however, I'm afraid that I'll hurt her. What do I do?

Wow, this is a tough position to be in . I mean on one hand you love her but on the other hand you need to do what’s right for you. So here’s my advice: don’t be in a relationship unless you can be fully in the relationship. If you have reached a point where you’re not communicating well with one another and experiencing a lot of negative emotions, it may be time to let go. I gather you’ve realized this because you say you’d like to end the relationship.

Ending a relationship is tricky/difficult/painful/confusing, for both parties. Unfortunately, I don’t think you’ll be able to end things without hurting her. But if you two are in a rocky/unhealthy relationship, then in the long run you’d be doing both of you a favor by ending things. You both deserve a happy, stable relationship. Sometimes people are just not meant to be together and, although this can be an extremely difficult realization, maybe it is the case between you and your girlfriend.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I know how wrenching break-ups/pre-break-ups can be. Stay strong. Know that you have the right to be happy and aim for that goal.

Who is the guy in your relationship???

Well, I open the doors but I also wear dresses.  So you tell me.

But in all seriousness, this is a very common question of same-sex relationships. Because we live in a “compulsory heterosexual” society (#JButz<3), people often need to understand same-sex couples in terms of heteronormative dynamics in order to wrap their heads around them.  But here’s the thing, at least people are trying to understand.  Asking questions is always better than remaining uninformed.

Often, same-sex couples do not abide by heteronormative dynamics. It’s just two people, interacting with one another in a manner which is most suited for them.  Maybe one person really likes to cook/clean and another really likes to watch football. Or maybe one person likes to cook while watching football. You see what I’m saying? It’s just people being people (#humants). So there may not necessarily be a “guy” in some relationships. Or a “girl” for that matter.  It all depends on the couple and who they are as people. People people people :)

My ex who goes to Bryn Mawr and I just broke up. It's the summer and it's nice to have space but I don't know how I'm going to deal seeing her around campus next year. It was a really nasty breakup with a lot of cheating involved and it just became so toxic for me. How do I share such a small space with someone that hurt me so badly?

Jeez, this is tough.  I’m sorry to hear that you had such a rough breakup.  It is good that you have the summer to get some distance and let yourself heal a bit.  And I understand why you’re worried about living on the same campus: Bryn Mawr is a small campus and it’s hard to avoid anyone for very long.  I guess that is the risk you take when dating a fellow Mawrter.

If I were in your situation, and I knew that my ex was going to be around, I would simply be civil.  There’s no reason to let your nasty breakup continue to be nasty.  That type of extensive drama is exhausting, distracting, is unnecessary.  Just be civil and level-headed.  Don’t let your ex get to you.  Say to yourself, “I’ll be damned if I let this person ruin my time at Bryn Mawr.” And it’s true. This person/any drama is not worth your happiness. Empower yourself with that knowledge; know that you are mawrvelous and that you have the right to be happy. Both you and your ex can exist in the same space as long as you avoid unnecessary drama, give yourself the space you need, and allow yourself to move on and be happy.

P.S. I’m sorry that there’s all that weird typing at the top of this post…I don’t know how to fix it.

hi i'd really like to apply to bryn mawr and this blog has been pretty helpful on the social stuff that worried me! but i was wondering: is it hard to break out of the bubble? i originally thought that with the tri-co it was easy to get away for a bit, but that doesn't seem the case. i come from a big-city, coed high school and i love that i can meet someone new everyday. can the school seem too small at times? (i just visited and i loved the campus, so i'm quite sold on the school already)

So, imma try to not be too biased in my answer here.

The thing is, the school/experience you have can be as big as you make it: you can stretch it. You can major at Swat, you can take Penn courses, you can live off campus, and you can spend all of your free time in Philly. But here’s the other thing, you probably won’t want to do all (or maybe any) of that…screw it, imma be biased.  

BRYN MAWR IS MAGICAL.  For realz.  Yes the school can seem small sometimes, but the truth is, it’s the most special environment that I’ve ever had the privilege of living in (I’d rather be at Bryn Mawr during Hell week than anywhere else in the world). I really realized my senior year that I wanted to savor my time there and not stray too far.  I didn’t mind the bubble; in fact, I kinda loved it.  I was constantly surrounded by bright, motivated, tenacious women.  I always had a friend around.  I liked knowing people around campus.  I loved the traditions.  I treasured it all. And I still do.

Apply to Bryn Mawr. Stay for an overnight visit and witness this all for yourself.  I know this sounds like an advertisement for the Magic Kingdom, but for real, “come see the magic of Disney Bryn Mawr.”

I've totally fallen for my summer fling. Said person lives in a different state and I'm going abroad next semester anyway. How do I be less crazy and just enjoy our last week together (FOREVER)?

Well, my friend, I think you already answered your own question: just enjoy your time together. Forget all of the b.s. and try to silence the noise in your head. The more you dwell on the negative, the less you’ll be able to actually enjoy your limited time with this person. Ok?

p.s. Apply the same mentality when you’re abroad, no?